You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
