We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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