I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
