Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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