actually, I'm a sock model
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
