He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
