The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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