the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize