I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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