Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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