fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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