the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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