I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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