Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
