so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
