I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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