I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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