chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
