the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
