i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
