we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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