omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
