we're chasing vodka with high fives
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
