My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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