I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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