Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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