There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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