Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
