Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
