dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
