I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
