john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize