if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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