Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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