I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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