The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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