I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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