well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
