Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
