Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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