After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We left the knife in your bed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
