Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
