If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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