You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
