ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
