Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
