I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
