I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
