I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
