You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
