wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
