PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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