Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
