she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
