id be glad to
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
