I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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