I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
