About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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