i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize