Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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