U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
