Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
