on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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