I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
