Whod you bang
Don't make out with my wife yet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
