Please, let me fuck your mom
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
