remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
