I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I color on your dick again?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
