you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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