Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
