Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
