I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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