Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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