Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
