nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish i was in the wii world.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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