Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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