why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
