where does the pee come out of this thing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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