he was CRYING into my vagina
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
