one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
