the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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