i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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