Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
