So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
