I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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