Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
