Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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