At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
