Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I party with great urgency now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
