i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
