i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
