Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
