i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
