if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
