so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
