I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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