so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's the barista slut.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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