just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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