atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
